You say that it’s my fault that I am fat and I say that you are wrong. You say that I have not tried to keep myself in check and I challenge you to prove my intentions inappropriate. You say that I am what I am because of long years of neglect on my part and I say lets have a debate.
So let’s start with the first step towards a more socially acceptable figure also known as the "Optimum diet". Numerous people I have talked to have told me to watch what I eat with the promise that I would be better off. So I did. I took a rather hard look at the piece of cake before downing it. For added effect I gazed at the fries for a whole of five minutes and only ate it when the growl of the stomach reminded me of the disappearing lions of Gir. Just to double check that I wasn’t missing out on the watching part, I made sure I took an absolutely unflinching view of the entire process of the food being cooked right from the part when my nani diced the raw materials upto the point when they made the hissing entry into the frying pan. I did not take my eyes off the entire event till the time it was cooked and ready to devour. The result – I was heavier by two pounds after the lunch than before it. And you said I didn’t try.
But something tells me that you are far from satisfied at my efforts. So let’s try the next one shall we? That ever popular routine of "exercise". Let me assure you that I have left no opportunity to dispense this ritual daily. I exercise my will, my rights, my understanding; my whole goddamn existence is defined through exercise I tell you. Just to make sure that there was nothing that you could hold against me, I actually went to the extents of lifting this abnormally heavy frame of mine and trudging across to the nearest polling booth to do what else but exercise my right to vote. Though I knew that it was going to serve the same purpose of choosing between the one promising to murder me by increasing the petrol prices and another promising to starve me to death by making LPG costlier, I still did it. Come to think of it, I should have actually given a valid vote in favor of the second one. Probably would have "leaned" me towards the path of "well toned six packs". Drat, so you have one point. But that does not mean that I was found wanting in my efforts towards the holy grail of "fitness".
But I guess that is still not enough for you was it? You are still not willing to let me off the hook and agree to the fact that it is purely God’s will that my girth has assumed planetary gravitational significance. You still think that I should have done more to help my cause. So let me make it abundantly clear that I am sick and tired of trying. I have no inclination to win this debate. So what if Kofi Annan might find in me a valid reason for pinning the starvation of Ethiopia? So what if they embarked on that marketing gimmick of buy one Pizza get the second free so that people of my size could have a satisfying meal experience? So what if Levis and Lacoste do not target my segment because the manufacturing costs would never justify the production exercise? So what if you have to specially reserve a 2X2 grid space for me in your vision sphere when I come into the viewing window that defines your ophthalmic range? That’s all your problem isn’t it. As long as I am happy with how and what I am, nothing that you jibe or sneer at is going to cloud my sun. As long as there are sinful cuisines ready to delight my sensory perceptions, the fit and fine routine can take a hike. As long as I can justify my appearance as a well fed existence, I am abdominally opulent and you my friend are just plain chicken – to admit it.
So let’s start with the first step towards a more socially acceptable figure also known as the "Optimum diet". Numerous people I have talked to have told me to watch what I eat with the promise that I would be better off. So I did. I took a rather hard look at the piece of cake before downing it. For added effect I gazed at the fries for a whole of five minutes and only ate it when the growl of the stomach reminded me of the disappearing lions of Gir. Just to double check that I wasn’t missing out on the watching part, I made sure I took an absolutely unflinching view of the entire process of the food being cooked right from the part when my nani diced the raw materials upto the point when they made the hissing entry into the frying pan. I did not take my eyes off the entire event till the time it was cooked and ready to devour. The result – I was heavier by two pounds after the lunch than before it. And you said I didn’t try.
But something tells me that you are far from satisfied at my efforts. So let’s try the next one shall we? That ever popular routine of "exercise". Let me assure you that I have left no opportunity to dispense this ritual daily. I exercise my will, my rights, my understanding; my whole goddamn existence is defined through exercise I tell you. Just to make sure that there was nothing that you could hold against me, I actually went to the extents of lifting this abnormally heavy frame of mine and trudging across to the nearest polling booth to do what else but exercise my right to vote. Though I knew that it was going to serve the same purpose of choosing between the one promising to murder me by increasing the petrol prices and another promising to starve me to death by making LPG costlier, I still did it. Come to think of it, I should have actually given a valid vote in favor of the second one. Probably would have "leaned" me towards the path of "well toned six packs". Drat, so you have one point. But that does not mean that I was found wanting in my efforts towards the holy grail of "fitness".
But I guess that is still not enough for you was it? You are still not willing to let me off the hook and agree to the fact that it is purely God’s will that my girth has assumed planetary gravitational significance. You still think that I should have done more to help my cause. So let me make it abundantly clear that I am sick and tired of trying. I have no inclination to win this debate. So what if Kofi Annan might find in me a valid reason for pinning the starvation of Ethiopia? So what if they embarked on that marketing gimmick of buy one Pizza get the second free so that people of my size could have a satisfying meal experience? So what if Levis and Lacoste do not target my segment because the manufacturing costs would never justify the production exercise? So what if you have to specially reserve a 2X2 grid space for me in your vision sphere when I come into the viewing window that defines your ophthalmic range? That’s all your problem isn’t it. As long as I am happy with how and what I am, nothing that you jibe or sneer at is going to cloud my sun. As long as there are sinful cuisines ready to delight my sensory perceptions, the fit and fine routine can take a hike. As long as I can justify my appearance as a well fed existence, I am abdominally opulent and you my friend are just plain chicken – to admit it.
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