Been lying left right and centre. Been at it since the time the first syllables came out of my mouth. It’s getting so bad now that the inner me is now lying to who else but me. Trying to desperately convince that all is well and that all that isn’t will soon be. Yeah sure! Play that game on someone who doesn’t know the gig. Me? You are talking to a pro here. You are talking to someone who makes his living selling soaps which promise the buyer that she is going to become Aishwarya Rai the next time she steps under the shower (whoever understood what jojoba oil and orchid extracts were doing in a soap in the first place. And what is jojoba oil? Sounds like some hair oil my grandma would use and buy off some street hawker on a bi cycle.)
This mound of flesh here gets up in the morning telling himself that this is going to be a beautiful day knowing pretty well that he hasn’t seen anything quite like even a span of time that could qualify as a day let alone a good one at that. A beautiful day – that will be the day this bugger will be crowned Mr Universe and Catherine Zeta Jones will divorce Michael Douglas to take him out on a date in a chartered plane….. to her Irish castle…… for a seven course dinner….. with drums of heaven starters….. mulligatawny soup….. Russian Salad…. Italian main course…. French dessert…. there was a point to this but I am forgetting it now. Great dinner though.
Anyway we were talking about my straight faced stretching of the truth till the point that it became a very very tolerable and believable lie. The boss calls telling me that he is going to put his foot through my esophagus if I don’t get the job done within the next four hours. I know that even if I were to scream out loud enough to make Indralok experience tremors of 8 on the Richter scale, the work would not get done inside the day. So what do I tell my boss? You got it! A simple in your face smiling answer. Three words that get him off my back for the next 4 hours. Rest assured after that 4 hours have passed, the E mail server will be down for a couple and then my hard disk will have a problem with detection for about an hour. If it still isn’t quitting time by then and he is still sitting on my head like betaal on vikram, then quite sorrowfully, the third party valve supplier will have to take the stick. Gotta sacrifice the weak for the strong to live on. Not me, blame Darwin.
I meet up with my counter part from the opposite foyer of the building over a cup of coffee in the canteen. We both hate each others guts like only we can. But I need the information out of him so that I can complete my presentation for the meeting the next day. Needless to say I am absolutely professional and ruthless in dealing with this utter disgrace of a techie, a scallywag, the backstabbing guttersnipe, a snooty faced pockmarked villain whom hell itself spat out. What, you ask, do I accurse him with? I go “Hi! Loved that technical evaluation on the new powder manufacturing facility. By the way what exactly was the capital expenditure on that beauty? Guess you must have done a great job on optimizing the process flow. I mean that figure for a project of this magnitude is just unimaginable. Can you pass me the breakup with the supplier’s contact details and the Project Gantt chart regarding the important datelines of completion?” Sweet, simple, honest to God flattery. Don’t take it otherwise; my personal take on the man’s character has nothing to do with the fact that he is the only source of information on which my behind rests right now. Spite is good; the only problem is spite isn’t always right!Barefaced lying - the art of saving barenaked bottoms and more. The science of live today fight same time, same day next week Outlook schedule permitting. The process of having your cake and selling it too. The joy of smiling at your nemesis and calling him your best friend at the same time. The tool to getting most things done the way you want to but the rulebook doesn’t. The one skill to rule over all others for the one who masters this craft can easily pass off about the rest cant he?
This mound of flesh here gets up in the morning telling himself that this is going to be a beautiful day knowing pretty well that he hasn’t seen anything quite like even a span of time that could qualify as a day let alone a good one at that. A beautiful day – that will be the day this bugger will be crowned Mr Universe and Catherine Zeta Jones will divorce Michael Douglas to take him out on a date in a chartered plane….. to her Irish castle…… for a seven course dinner….. with drums of heaven starters….. mulligatawny soup….. Russian Salad…. Italian main course…. French dessert…. there was a point to this but I am forgetting it now. Great dinner though.
Anyway we were talking about my straight faced stretching of the truth till the point that it became a very very tolerable and believable lie. The boss calls telling me that he is going to put his foot through my esophagus if I don’t get the job done within the next four hours. I know that even if I were to scream out loud enough to make Indralok experience tremors of 8 on the Richter scale, the work would not get done inside the day. So what do I tell my boss? You got it! A simple in your face smiling answer. Three words that get him off my back for the next 4 hours. Rest assured after that 4 hours have passed, the E mail server will be down for a couple and then my hard disk will have a problem with detection for about an hour. If it still isn’t quitting time by then and he is still sitting on my head like betaal on vikram, then quite sorrowfully, the third party valve supplier will have to take the stick. Gotta sacrifice the weak for the strong to live on. Not me, blame Darwin.
I meet up with my counter part from the opposite foyer of the building over a cup of coffee in the canteen. We both hate each others guts like only we can. But I need the information out of him so that I can complete my presentation for the meeting the next day. Needless to say I am absolutely professional and ruthless in dealing with this utter disgrace of a techie, a scallywag, the backstabbing guttersnipe, a snooty faced pockmarked villain whom hell itself spat out. What, you ask, do I accurse him with? I go “Hi! Loved that technical evaluation on the new powder manufacturing facility. By the way what exactly was the capital expenditure on that beauty? Guess you must have done a great job on optimizing the process flow. I mean that figure for a project of this magnitude is just unimaginable. Can you pass me the breakup with the supplier’s contact details and the Project Gantt chart regarding the important datelines of completion?” Sweet, simple, honest to God flattery. Don’t take it otherwise; my personal take on the man’s character has nothing to do with the fact that he is the only source of information on which my behind rests right now. Spite is good; the only problem is spite isn’t always right!Barefaced lying - the art of saving barenaked bottoms and more. The science of live today fight same time, same day next week Outlook schedule permitting. The process of having your cake and selling it too. The joy of smiling at your nemesis and calling him your best friend at the same time. The tool to getting most things done the way you want to but the rulebook doesn’t. The one skill to rule over all others for the one who masters this craft can easily pass off about the rest cant he?
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